8/21/2023 - I resigned from my job at NorthPoint. This was my only paycheck. No, nothing in my savings account for “a rainy day.” It is what it is.
I had felt that my time was coming to an end in that position months prior. I brushed it off, ignored the feeling and proceeded. My last month there, I felt God tell me to quit. Just in those words, "quit." I was going back and forth with God and trying to make it make sense. I even told God, "you usually don't talk to me like that. You just don't tell me to 'quit' anything. I need more. I need more confirmation. Let someone who doesn't know my situation confirm for me."
I always ask this of God, for confirmation from an outside 3rd party, who would be completely unaware of my situation. I don't even want to give them a hint. This is how God continues to prove to me that He is sovereign.
Read what God did... I was working remote, so it was definitely a Monday. It was around 9:30 AM, I called a referral that I needed to follow up with. The person on the other end of my phone line was a female in her 30th decade of life. We chatted while she was also multitasking and shared, "I'm sorry, I'm also taking care of some business." I responded with something like, "no worries, it's okay...". This woman's demeanor was calm and inviting. In my head, I could talk to her for hours, just to hear the peace in her voice. Because she was multitasking, I assumed she was pressed for time and was ready to end the call after we had completed our initial conversation.
I was wrong. She proceeded to share a few more details with me about what challenges she was facing. After that, she flipped it on me to say the follow that I'm paraphrasing, but will never forget it: "I just want you to have a great rest of YOUR day. Whatever it is that you do, just know you will be okay..."
There was NO indication throughout the call of what I was toying with - to quit or not to quit. When I tell you the tears fell out of my eyes like a water faucet, that was an understatement. I tried to not ugly cry on the phone while I was still connected in the call. I tried to keep my voice calm and close the call. I just know my voice was quivering like actor Terrance Howard. I released the line, let my cry out, and felt God say, "How's that for confirmation?" I cried even more!
Now, with that level of confirmation, I probably could have shut the laptop and sent an email of resignation in that moment. But I didn't. On paper, nothing still made sense as I didn't have another job lined up. Again, this was my only paycheck with nothing to fall back on.
See, God was not playing when He told me to quit. I was just operating in self, in my flesh, and not the spirit.
Because I didn't to God, initially, I feel like I was forced out...
My annual review was right around the corner. In my head, and historically, my reviews are excellent and this is when I receive a pay raise... Not this time.
Maybe two weeks after the phone call "confirmation", I had my review on my calendar for 8/8/2023. I went to the review because I'm still expecting great news and my raise! Oh how it was the complete opposite. On a scale of 1 to 5, with 5 being the best and 1 the worst, I received 1s and 2s in every category across the whole board. I have never felt the emotions I was funneling through during this review. I felt my face getting hot, the walls were closing in, my eyes dropped tears not in sadness, in anger. I cry when I'm angry. When I'm upset like that, I also don't do well with words and tend to be silent so I won't say anything I would regret. I lean in to the promise that God will fight my battles.
On top of what I was hearing about my performance, productivity and team conduct, I was told that I would not be able to help with a support group which was my idea. I had overheard a conversation (prior to my review) that the department will soon offer a support group which was government funded, it had earned a grant and was approved by the executive board. Granted, when I presented the idea, I did not have all of the details; I only shared the gist. But that was enough.
At the end of my review, when asked if I had questions, I responded, "Yes, but not for this. I want to know if I can help with the group that I suggested. I heard it was government funded and has been approved."
I was told, "no, not until you improve your performance on these other things that we talked about. When that improves, you'll be able to help out with other tasks outside of your job description."
My face was even more hot, I was ready to leave the meeting. Meeting adjourned.
I thanked them in the room and left. The long hallway to the elevators had my mind racing in circles. I had never a review close to that in all of my 30 years of school and work experiences.
Here's what I think:
Because God is all knowing, He knows what would push our buttons, get us to move and get out of our own way, which also leads us into our purpose driven selves. God knew that if I felt undervalued in any capacity, THAT would urge me to discomfort enough to leave. He (God) was right. It wasn't much longer after that when I sent an email effectively immediately for my resignation. Thirteen days later, 8/21/2023. I officially resigned.
Mentally, I was in a headspace thinking my employer doesn't owe me anything else and vice versa. I didn't feel the need to present a 2-weeks notice, especially since everything about the environment was disrupting my spirit.
Additionally, I still appreciate my former employer as they provided space and fulfilled my need(s).
Note: Some might have read this part on my Facebook and Instagram page. I would suggest reading it again and see the actual pics of the mustard seed. Please proceed.
Aside from all of that, I have never felt this free and calm, despite the uncertainty of what’s next. I have an overwhelming sense of peace.
Listen to this… backing up a few months before my resignation, it might’ve been early Spring, March or April, I don’t know. There was a group discussion at NorthPoint, food provided, merch and whatnot distributed. One of the items distributed was a tiny glass tube with a cork top. The thing was not even an inch tall. Inside held glitter and a mustard seed. A MUSTARD SEED!! Who knows the significance? I sure did! That moment was transformative for me.
God did not require us to have monumental faith. Faith the size of mustard seed is where you start. Some of us have radical faith and push through the doubts with ease, right? That’s what it looks like. That happens with practice and repeating God’s promises back to Him.
Start with 10% of faith. Start believing for better. Start believing you are capable. Get in alignment with your creator and how He sees you. Game changer.
FOAMS = Faith of a Mustard Seed
This is one part of my "tunnel vision views" going forward - showing you all moments of faith, the process and outcomes.
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